During a recent coffee date with my cousin Kate, we spent almost the entire time talking about men. The other 4% was spent comparing the manner in which we watch horror movies (ears plugged with a blanket over my head) so sophistication be ours, yo. At some point in the conversation she said, “Can you please write about this on your blog?” Unfortunately (for you) she was not talking about the horror movies.
Okay, so I know precisely one thing about men, and that is that they’re out there, somewhere. That’s pretty much it. I don’t know what they’re thinking, what to say to make them more attracted to you, how to win someone back – I got ZIP. Sure, I was married for a long time (and have kids to boot) but that ended in such spectacular fashion that I feel like anyone who wants to know anything about love and dating and relationships should cross the street as soon as they see me coming.
But…is that stopping me? Nope.
While I know almost nothing about men, I have my suspicions, and I do know a thing or two (or a hundred) about women. I’ve decided to lay it out here for dear Kate and anyone else who might come to me with their man-dilemmas in the future. Like my daughter. So in an attempt to help you be a little less miserable in your dating life, here are a few things that I think will benefit you greatly if you simply take them out of the equation.
- Expectations. The only expectation you should have of a man is for him to respect your mind, your body, your time, and your boundaries. If he does, look no further because you have struck gold. But piling up a bunch of other
expectationsobligations – and worse, expecting him to know what they are without telling him – only sets him up for failure. And it’s really your failure, because you’ve made him responsible for your happiness, and that is not his gig; it’s your gig. Know yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, and then do the same for him. (Easy, no? Ahem…)
- The Internet. Facebook and Instagram are fun, but unless you can separate them completely from the reality of every day – and let’s face it, many people struggle in that department – it’s not a place to be conducting your relationship. All is well until your boyfriend or your crush doesn’t “Like” a photo or a status update, and you spend the rest of the day going down that rabbit hole:
“He’s ignoring me.” (Probably not.)
“He doesn’t want me anymore.” (Bit of a stretch.)
“He liked her photo, omg he’s cheating on me.” (Clearly.)
No. Just…no. Knock it off.
- Texting. I think you should stop. Not completely. For shooting a quick “hello,” “thinking of you,” “I’m running late,” it’s perfect. But for meaningful conversation, getting to know someone, solving a problem – NO. What if his phone dies or he’s (gasp) working and can’t respond to you? (See the above rabbit hole.)
So those were the biggies. We also tried and failed to come up with an answer to the “How do I know if he wants me too?” question. No clue. Wish I could help.
“Should I ask him out?” Sure, why not? I never have and probably never will, only because I’m a big fat fraidy cat. But you should go for it.
“Maybe I should try Tinder?” Eh, maybe. I tried it (thanks, Linda) and lasted about 2.4 days. One guy offered to send me a naughty video that he made by himself (no) and then I saw a familiar face (hi, Rocko) and promptly threw my phone across the room and then deleted everything. Not for me, but that doesn’t mean it’s not for you. Go for it! I’ll just be here.
And this, my friends, is what you get when you ask for dating advice from someone who is completely unqualified. Kate, you’re welcome.